Repent and be saved!!

If you have already repented, please disregard this notice.

If not, send $49.95 and a bottle of Jim Beam to Father Piccolo's ministry and we'll get you started on the way to true enlightenment. 

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For years I have wondered about televangelists and their followings and wondered. Over the years they seem to have popped up and a number of them have done an outstanding job of keeping the tabloids in business.

Seems pretty profitable to me.

When you look at them there are few that really seem to be serving the deity. Most of them seem to be serving up a pile of hoople disguised as religion that they sell the gullible.

Personally, I can say that Father Piccolo hasn't been inside a church in decades and yet has had more religious experiences at sea than I can count.

I suppose maybe you don't have to have a church to be religious.
I also figure that if there are a few bucks in it and I can get someone to sponser me I would set up a televangical show and get out there and rant and rave.

The difference between me and most of the other televangelists is that I would make most of the show for entertainmant only and be up front about it.

I'd also end with a more serious note and try and help the poor guy that's out there busting his butt every day but never seems to get anywhere but further into debt and depression.

Keep plugging. It's worth it.

What's more, YOU are worth it.

So here's today's sermon.

Just take a few minutes out today and do something for someone else.

Visit an older relative, help a neighbor out with something, whatever.

Just spend a few minutes doing something for someone else and see if it doesn't make you day go a little better.

Sunday sneaked up on me and I have to whip up a sermon

Good Morning!

Glad you are here to enjoy another day no matter what your faith. Even if you don't have one.

SOme of you have woken up not feeling too good and likely you had a little too much fun last night and you're paying for it. I had many Sunday mornings like that in my youth and early middle age so you ain't the Lone Ranger.

Anyway, no matter how you feel now, you'll feel even better if you get out and enjoy the day.

Happy Sunday morning!

It is Sunday

and time for something a little uplifting, or at least positive.

I suppose if you want something really uplifting you can see what the Playtex people have to offer.

I'll just try and be a little upbeat.

If you are down on your luck these days don't let it get to you, just find a way to contribute. Most likely there are a lot of people that are a lot worse off than you are.

If there's a VA hospital drop in and visit the wounded warriors there. You don't have to go from room to room, just drop in on a day room or some other recreational area and hang out a while.

After a while the guys will approach you.

Pick up some trash on the side of the road or in a local park.

Fix something that's broken.

Just get off of you ass and do something for someone else.

You'll be surprised at how good it makes you feel.

Happy Sunday morning.

Just an interesting thought.

A guy I know has a brother that is somewhat of a pain in the ass because he is a hard core bible thumper but even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while.

He met two atheists that were belligerent and asked them both about their atheism. Both said they were total atheists.

"So you don't mind if I pray for your eternal damnation," he said and folded his hands and bowed his head.

One of the two guys stood there with a look of scorn on his face and the other one grew very nervous and showed it.

The thumper raised his head and said to the man with a look of scorn, "You really ARE an atheist."

He then pointed at the other guy, "And you are NOT an atheist!"

Just some Sunday food for thought

  

So it is Sunday and I have to drum up a sermon

and so I guess I shall.

Look at the day that we have today and live it to the fullest.

If you have a family, spend it with them doing something that will make a memory because when today is over the only part you will have of it is the memory of it.

What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?

I was loading a cargo once on top of the unpumpable bottoms of a different cargo that had an exceptionally low flash point. This means that one spark could have turned us into a over sized bomb vaporized the crew and dock personnel because the tanks were full of explosive vapors.

This is actually routine and safe IF you follow procedures and load slowly. Enter shift change on the dock and a pump-man that was about a mile away (in complete safety) and in a hurry to get home early. He kept increasing the rate.

We shut him down and of course a somewhat heated discussion resulted. The dock man explained that everyone was in a hurry and  
I pointed out that the laws of chemistry, physics and static electricity did not take watch change into consideration. They are absolutes. You can not change them.

I pointed out that failure to respect these laws could result in rich widows and children, new docks and vessels being built.  As for us, we would wind up getting issued harps or pitchforks and we get to find out if the Hokey Pokey REALLY IS  what it's all about.

We resumed safely at a reduced rate.

Still, it made me wonder for a bit.

What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about?

Picture this: You pass through the white light that near death survivors mention and poink! There you are at the Golden Gates and have to be interviewed by St. Peter. Admittedly you are confused, apprehensive, worried and have a bunch of questions.

"I was a good Catholic," you stammer, trying to grease the skids. Truth is the last time you were in a church was when your niece was baptized and she's now 36 years old.

"So? You missed the boat there." replies St. Peter, calmly. "The swamis and yogis that preached about gaining true enlightment missed the boat, too. As did the Jews, the Muslims, the Buddhists, and just about everyone else."

"So why was I sent to earth?" you ask, somewhat fearfully.

"To do the Hokey Pokey," replies St. Peter, simply. "The Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about."

So you get issued either a pitchfork and long ear extensions or a harp and wings. Depending on your earthly behavior you spend eternity doing the Hokey Pokey either at room temperature or in intense heat.

Oh, well. I suppose we wasted out time on earth. I should have opted for hookers and blow, right?

I don't think so and imagine that you did OK spending your time here simply doing the right thing. I'd like to think that way and will try and continue trying to do things as such.

I think that doing the right thing will provide some sort of comfort as we make our end of life transition. We can at least say that we tried.

While we are on earth it remains the right thing to try and do the right thing. If we find out that the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about, we can at least say to ourselves that we tried.

As for the Hokey Pokey? I suppose you might try doing it at a wedding or other gathering just for the fun of it.  

Just in case. You never know.

Today is Sunday and I remembered it.

GOYA!!!

Get off your ass!!!

Get out there and make a difference! Do the right thing!

I'm really not much of a preacher when you look at it.

In truth I am nothing more than a Dogtag Catholic. If you want to know what that is, ask just about any GI that has at least a room temperature IQ. He'll tell you it is a guy that had 'Catholic' put on his dogtags to keep his family off of his ass.

I have not been in church a lot over the past 45 years or so and can say that I got more of a religious experience from waking up on a Christmas morning anchored near the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor. It was a glorious crystal clear day, too.

I sometimes imbibe more than I should and I have fought a battle with nicotine addiction for 45 years, sometimes winning, sometimes losing. 

I really do not know what I am yet I am a minister in the Universal Life Church.

When I look at it, there seems to be no conflict whatsoever with Catholicism, or for that matter any of the other major religions I am aware of. I simply took a vow to support freedom of religion and to always try to do the right thing.

The first part of my vow is pretty self-explanatory. It is the second part that is pretty much open for interpretation. I suppose I could hit somebody on the head with a baseball bat in some circumstances. Lord knows there are cases where administering a hickory shampoo is the right thing to do even though it would be under freakish circumstances.

Still, doing the right thing is pretty much a difficult thing to pin down. Pulling a person out of a burning building is generally regarded as the right thing to do. I suppose picking up a hitchhiker would also be the right thing to do if he isn't a dangerous character.

Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't look like the right thing to do. I see a lot of panhandlers in the Philly area and while some I suppose are genuinely poor and likely could use help, most are just con men that are too lazy to find something to do and prey on the goodness of people.
I think the right thing to do is to be kind but not allow yourself to be taken advantage of. One of the other things that is the right thing to do is remember the old saw, 'To thine own self be true'. You have to take care of yourself.

One of the  things I am going to do is stop being in such a rush to defend myself when I know that if I am patient that the person that is trying to do me dirt will simply hurt themselves if I stand back and let them. It doesn't take a whole lot to let someone cut his own throat.

Anyone that has studied any of the martial arts is familiar with a couple of them that cannot be used aggressively. That is because they are based on using the aggressive energy of the opponent against him. In short, the harder the aggressor tries, the more he hurts himself. I think that I will simply run along these lines and let anyone that intends to harm me to harm themselves.
Actually I have been doing this off and on for years.

The vow to try and do the right thing is probably going to make my life a little more challenging.

Well, it's Sunday again and I suppose I have to preach another sermon of some sort.

I suppose I could start in with a pretty good fire and brimstone rant but that isn't what this ministry is all about. I suppose after the rant I could ask you to send in a generous donation and support the Piccolo ministry but that's not what it is all about.

I want you to feel a little bit better about yourself and maybe pass good things on. I'd like to try and make the world a little nicer place to live.

There are a lot of you out there fighting off depression and bad feelings over either something you have no control of or that you have made a problem where it doesn't exist.

Take off your mask, Pal. You ain't the Lone Ranger. You have lots of company.

Here's to the guy that woke up this fine Sunday morning with a hangover because he let something be a problem that really isn't. I suppose it is easy for me to say this but you have to learn not to sweat the small stuff and most of it IS small stuff.

You're probably angry over something that is not a real problem.

Cancer is a problem. A fire is a problem. An auto accident with a serious injury is a problem. An accident with no injury is NOT a problem because the only thing damaged is steel and that can be fixed or replaced.

If you can sit there for a minute and put things into perspective and realize that a lot of what you consider to be a problem really isn't then you'll be a long way ahead of the game.

Think about it and maybe your luck will change and then you'll figure out that you shouldn't be waking up with a Sunday morning hangover.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't enjoy a drink or two in a Saturday night. After all, you earned it. What I am saying is that you don't have to stuff down a half a bottle of hooch and wake up feeling like hell because if you look at what's bugging you, it is likely not worth wasting good whisky on.

Happy Sunday morning.

Today's sermon is to the guy that always seems to be screwed.

This is for the guy that has his life a mess.

Maybe you are fighting the bottle or are in a depression of some sort. It could be that you are going through a particularly nasty divorce and the soon to be Ex is using the kids as a lever to get his or her way.

Most sermons are generally heard by people that are regular churchgoers and have pretty straight lives.

This one's for those that are in the middle of a mess of some sort. 

Keep plugging away at whatever it is and keep doing the right thing. Go the whole mile and don't cop to the easy way out. You are worth it and owe yourself a good life.

Life can be rough at times and for some it can be downright overwhelming but keep at it! You are worth it.

Do not let yourself or anyone out there cheat you out of your self-esteem. You are worth it.

In spite of it all, tough times don't last, but tough people do. Keep at whatever it is that you are trying to survive or overcome because you are worth it.

Father Piccolo's First Sermon

If you are a Christian that turns to the teachings of Jesus Christ to help give you strength and character please step aside. I have no business with you today. Go and spend some quality time with someone special. I likely have nothing but respect and admiration for you and all I can really say is simply to go in peace. Maybe later on we can meet up for a beer or a cup of Joe and enjoy each others's company. I'm buyin'.

I am not preaching today to offend those true believer in Christ that live by his teachings and look to him for support in times of trouble and share joys with him. I suppose that if you fall into this category you may just as well stop here and leave it at that.

If you are one of these fine Christians and decide to read further on, that is well and good. If you read on and find yourself getting angry please stop and reread the first two paragraphs. If you are still angry then more than likely the shoe fits, so wear it.

I get pretty fed up with people claiming to being Christians that use their religion as something to hide behind and cover their lack of character with. There are a lot more of them out there than one generally notices but if you keep your eyes open you can spot them.

Of course, there are some you can spot a mile away.

The troubles in Ireland seem to bring a lot of these types out as Christians of Catholicism and Protestantism have been murdering each other over nothing for quite some time now. Of course, this is pretty obvious.

While the troubles have not been brought to the States in the form of violence, they IRA does raise money in Irish strongholds like Boston and New York. The Gospel according to Piccolo says that anyone that gives a dime to the IRA OR the Ulster Defense League is simply donating to terrorism. No excuses. None. Do not even start in with a 'Yeah, but'. There simply is no excuse for it.

Still, this is not what I came here to post about. My beef is with false Christians that use the religion to cover their weaknesses or to promote a personal agenda.

We've all met the so-called Christian that blames all of his failures on the will of God and I don't buy it. In Christianity one is given free will and generally a failure can be traced back to someone choosing poorly. Blaming God is a cop out.

Someone I know had another false Christian tell him that at work he wanted to watch church on TV with his wife so they could feel together. He asked me how to handle it and I told him to tell the guy to "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesars, render unto God the things that are God and render unto the man a day's work or you ain't gonna have any money to put in the friggin' collection plate come Sunday ashore!"

Failure in life is commonplace and happens. Accepting responsibility for failure is simply showing character. Blaming it on God is plainly and simply a case of trying to cover your mistakes at the expense of God.

There is another type of false Christian that I will mention here is the snake. This is the self-rightous person that has taken it upon himself to play the role of God and run around condemning everyone else and stabbing them in the back.

Sometimes these are pretty easy to spot. If you look at someone and think that you have never seen someone more desperately in need of a blowjob there's a pretty good chance you are dealing with one of these.

They refuse to acknowledge that other people have other ways and judge them on their beliefs. They are quick to destroy things that are other people's and seem to hide behind their religion as an excuse to promote their agenda.

Many of us have seen it in the workplace and other spots. There is always the guy that bases promotions, bonuses and the like on how often some clown shows up at the Bible study group that he just so happens to run. Competence seems to have little to do with anything in this case.

These people are quite often nosy and spend their time running around and looking for devils everywhere you turn. Of course, seek and ye shall find. And if you don't find one then create one.

These are the kind of snakes that will plant something on a person and justify it by saying that God would want it that way. I've seen it happen before and likely will see something along these lines happen again.

If you don't attend the study group or go to the same church as this snake your generally on the outside looking in. You can also rest assured that he will try and sabatoge you if he gets a chance. He will justify it by saying that it is what God wants because you are not a part of the group.

Often good men, some of which very well may be the good kind of Christian men lose out. I've seem damned good men fired over things like this.

Most of us that are of age have seen these kinds of snakes and realize that these are the people that give their faith a truly bad name.
Recently I had someone that was in this category snoop into some of my private papers and wantonly destroy some of my work. 

When I confronted him he hid behind his religion and claimed to be doing God's work. Some Christian.

Listening to him justify his actions was one of the lamest and weakest things I have ever heard in my life. Every bit of his lame  justification came out as weakness. I'd bet that deep down he's a Nazi of some sort.

I wonder what he would say if I popped him in the mouth and told  HIM that I was doing God's work. Bet he wouldn't like it very much.

I still have to make it clear here that I am not chastising those of the Christian faith that use it to strengthen their character and help them through troubled times. Good Christians are a joy to be around, as are good Jews and others. The Hindu that runs the local 7-Eleven is a joy and he told me he practices his faith regularly. So does the Catholic a few doors up the street. He's a joy, too.

Seeing I am now an ordained minister I suppose I ought to

 give sermons every so often and will post them here. I suppose this is better than at my usual blog, Piccolo's Hash.

Don't expect to find a whole lot of "repent and be saved" type of sermons here but I suppose if you know someone in the TV industry  and like what you read here you might speak to him.

Seeing the retirement fund is not as full as it ought to be I suppose I would be willing to become a TV evangelist and go on stage and froth at the mouth a bit and ask you to send me $49.95 and two specially marked bottle caps from Jameson's for salvation.

Still, I have started this blog as another outlet.

The other night for good reason I became an ordained minister for the sole purpose of officiating at my nephew's wedding because it looked like the person that was supposed to perform it backed out.

Within a day I got word that the problem was rectified and that was followed by a quick phone call to me saying that they have never seen my nephew get so motivated to get someone else to marry him as the fear and possibility that his Uncle Piccolo  would perform the ceremony.

So I am now presently a bona-fide ordained minister and  have no church to preach to. This is unacceptable because it puts me in the same category as Al Sharpton and that for sure ain't no good whatsoever.

I have taken the vows to support religious freedom and always do the right thing.

From time to time I will post a sermon here and I suppose if you care to you can join the church.

I have looked carefully into this and have found no conflicts with any of the major religions of the world and anyone is free to join this church and keep their present faith. In fact it is encouraged and I hope any of the preachings I may make in the future bring you closer to your faith no matter what it is.

The purpose of this blog is to try and bring us a little closer together and make the world a little nicer place to live.

 Any donations made to my church are not tax-deductible and furthermore will be listed on my tax forms as income and I will have to pay taxes on it to help support the moochers out there so save your money.

I suppose you can send me a jug if you want, though.

Yours in peace and war,

Father Piccolo.